My Thoughtful Observation

I just wrote an article on some general observations that I have had at the 10-day mark of this experiment. This article is aptly named “Day 10 Observations,” and you can find it here. In that article, I noted how I am dreaming a lot more at night, and I am also finding myself having many more internal conversations with myself about observations in daily life. This is what I want to talk about.

If you know me, you know that I am an extroverted (off the charts), detail oriented, external processor. Most of the time, when I need to come to a conclusion with someone, I will say,

“Don’t pay too much attention to the details when I start, pay attention to the details when I land,”

This is to help people not get hung up on the processing that takes place in the public domain as I get all of my words out to form a conclusion. I have learned that I have to do this with my wife, Megan because sometimes the early details are nowhere near the outcome and she might have some input on something that I left behind figuring out what I actually thought. I hope this makes sense, I think I did a little verbal processing right there.

Anyway, back to the topic at hand; internal conversations. Megan has said to me a few times recently, I want to know what you are thinking, you seem focused on something right now. This is 100% new to me. I wear my emotions on my sleeve, I don’t shy away from conflict (this is why I think I’m an 8 on the Enneagram, not a 7, but that’s another article), I do not hide my words or communicate passively. Everything about me is precisely like you see it.

I sent a message to Megan yesterday and it said:

“I promise that I am not becoming an introvert.”

Not that there is anything wrong with my internally processing, crowd exhausted, observer of conversation friends of mine, it’s just not who I have been or how I have communicated…ever.

So why is this happening now? I think that I am starting to feel the effects of not having any inputs. When my brain isn’t given something to think about: facebook posts, edited Instagram photos, tv shows, commercials, youtube videos, audiobooks, podcasts, etc., my brain has the freedom to think about things that interest me. Not because someone told me I should, but because it is a genuine interest or curiosity. I also believe because it is a pure question, interest, or curiosity of mine, I am thinking much more deeply about them than I would have in the past. This has lead to much more internal dialogue which in turn leads to more silence and my wife having to ask me what I am thinking about.

Now that I think about it (unintentional play on words) when it comes up in converstation that I am doing this Year29 experiment, I find it much easier to point people toward the first two articles of this website then to actually tell them about it. I feel I succiently and effectively got my point across in both the Year29 and This Isn’t For You articles that there is not much more for me to say on them.

It seems to me that by not giving my brain something to think about I am starting to explore a lot of the things that catch my attention. Some recent thoughts:

What is the healthy level for impatience with where I am at in life and the pursuit of my goals or possesions?
How long would it take, and what would it cost, to cut down all the trees on my back property line and replant healthier, nicer, and better privacy options?
Why do I pursue so much freetime in my schedule but it seems like I watch the clock until my kids go to bed, and then I sit bored at home wondering what to do?

There are some surface level questions but also some hard hitters, and I like this. I am taking the time to challenge some of my own assumptions and allowing myself to be curious about things I might have paid no attention to in the past.